Has it really been almost a year since my last livejournal post?

Statement to our fans from the Backstreet Boys regarding Kevin Richardson departure from the group:

“Earlier this year, after much soul searching, Kevin Richardson came to us and told us that he had decided to leave the group and pursue other interests. He gave his blessing to continue the music without him.

We have no intention of replacing Kevin, and the door will always be open for him to return to the Backstreet Boys. We wish him the all the best in his future endeavors.

This weekend we are returning to the studio to begin the follow-up to Never Gone, and will see you later this year with a new album.”

Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell and AJ McLean


Statement from Kevin Richardson

“After 13 years of what can only be described as a dream come true, I have decided that it is time to leave the Backstreet Boys. It was a very tough decision for me but one that was necessary in order to move on with the next chapter of my life. Howard, Brian, Alex and Nick will always be my little brothers and have my utmost love and support. I would like to thank the Backstreet fans for all the beautiful memories we have shared together and look forward to including you in the next phase of my life. I wish my brothers continued success and look forward to their new album.”

Kevin

Fun Survey!! Place an X by all the things you've done,
or remove the x from the ones you have not, and send it to all of
your friends(including me).

This is for your entire life:
( ) Smoked a cigarette
(x) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
( ) Been in love
( ) Been dumped
( ) Shoplifted
( ) Been fired
(x) Quit your job (Oh yeah, that's right Hospitality Network and the telemarketing!! haha)
(X) Been in a fist fight (defending a friend, I won. broke the other girl's thumb :S)
( ) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (maybe that should be XXXXXXX..or somethng :S)
( ) Been arrested.
( ) Gone on a blind date.
(x) Lied to a friend.
(x) Skipped school.
(x) Seen someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite sides of the country (kinda, been to BC)
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons (pretty much everyday)
(x) Sang karaoke (Lady Marmalade ;))
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls...
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
(x) ice - skating?

1. Any nicknames? Mel, Melly, MellyBelly
2. Mother's name? Cathy
3. What is your favorite drink? Blue Lagoon
4. Tattoos? Soon
5. Body piercing? 4, soon to be 5
6. How much do you love your job? I really do love my job :) The kids are fantastic when they're not attacking each other for random reasons. It's great there.
7. Birthplace: Kitchener, Ontario
8. Ever been to Africa? No, but I'd like to go one day.
9. Ever steal any traffic signs? Nope, but I do want the "turtle crossing" sign at the end of homerwatson :)
10. Ever been in a car accident? A guy in a stupid brown truck claimed traffic was still moving and plowed into the car in front of him, causing a chain reaction....5 cars later :S
11. 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 (someday)
12. Salad dressing? Caeser
13. Favorite pie? Raisin, Lemo Meringue
14. Favorite number? Don't really ahve one. 7 i suppose though.
15. Favorite movie? The Notebook, Lilo and Stitch movies, Dirty Dancing, The Princess Bride
16. Favorite holiday? Christmas, My birthday :)
17 Favorite food? Does chocolate count?
18. Favorite day of the week? Friday
19. Favorite TV show? Survivor, ER, The OC, LOST, Grey's Anatomy, Treasure Hunters, The Amazing Race, Days of Our Lives, Young and the Restless, CKCO News at noon and 6 ;)
20. Toothpaste? Sensodyne with whitening
21. Favorite smell? Men's cologne, canadian tire, gasoline, vanilla
22. What do you do to relax? Talk to friends, read, listen to music, sit outside.
23. Message to your friends/family reading this: Go to bed! um, wait....
24. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully married with children :)
25. What do you do when you are bored! Do these surveys....
26. What do you enjoy receiving? Mail, packages, money, encouragement letters :)
28. Who will respond the fastest? not sure
29. Least likely to respond? everyone
30. Where are you sending this from? Home, basement. And NO you may not see my webcam so stop asking :P
31. What time is it now? 1:54 am

Copy and fill in the blanks into a comment... LOL I'm really curious...


I ____ backstreetmel90.
backstreetmel90 is ____.
If I were alone in a room with backstreetmel90, I would ____.
I think backstreetmel90 should ____.
backstreetmel90 needs ____.
backstreetmel90 will never ____.
I want to _____ backstreetmel90.
backstreetmel90 can ____ my _____.
When i think about backstreetmel90 I ____.
Someday backstreetmel90 will _____.
backstreetmel90 reminds me of _____.
Without Maggi, ____.
Memories of backstreetmel90 are ____.
backstreetmel90 can be ____.
____ is how I describe meeting backstreetmel90.
Worst thing about backstreetmel90 is ____.
backstreetmel90 _____ me.

Just a quick update here....Allie, I'm watching The Daily Show, and I thought of you...what is it about Jon Stewart that makes him so attractive? Am I just weird? lol

It's time for another update! Mini paragraphs for each update :)

I'm moving out! I was going to move out with a friend, but first i am moving in with Adam and Katie in the house that Adam bought, just a few blocks from my house. I'm really excited about it! I have almost everything i need except a dvd player and my mattress and bedding. I can't wait! Moving out in July...wow! That's one month from now :O

So, a coworker is leaving my room at work :( She is moving to an older age group, and I know she will be happier there, since that is her forte for sure. It will be sad to see her leave the room though, as I love talking with her, and hearing her stories. I know she is just down the hall, but it's not going to be the same. But, I do know that this will be a new opportunity for me to get to know someone new who joins our room. I'm so excited for that :D


I'm doing better since my last journal entry. I'm no longer upset about being alone. I've just come to accept it, and know that if I'm meant to be with someone, then it will happen. And that thing with Kyle the landscaper? I haven't seen him on the bus at all this week, so I'm just going to chalk it up to be a "moment" that is now gone and in the past. Ah well...

So, there's a bear that has been spotted around waterloo region! At work, we're putting up a giant Waterloo region map, and putting on pins of comfirmed sightings and then other pins of uncomfirmed sightings. I hope, hope HOPE it doesn't come near my house!

Hey Lise, thanks for the comment! No, you don't sugarcoat it for me regarding guys - you actually encourage me :) And though you had it "easy" you also had to go through a lot to get where you are, and I can tell it was all worth it :) BTW, if you don't mind me asking...who is the one who is getting an invitation and you're not trying to impress? LOL..only if you want to tell haha. Can't wait for CM at cost ;)

I'm going to Grand Rapids Michigan on June 18th-19th with Bec, Mel and Pam...gonna be good times! We're going to see Brian Littrell's concert at The Intersection, and i Know it's going to be a good time ;) I know there's gonna be pretty much the whole ww crew there, haha...like Pink Posse, Michigan Girls, etc. NUTS! It's gonna be like the same crowd as Toronto, but hopefully we won't be robbed :S

Anywhoo, I'm gonna jet..more tomorrow!!

Mel

Well, so here i am writing another journal entry :P I need to start writing in here more often! :P

Well today was VERY intersting, I must say. To make along story short, I am having difficulties with someone at work. There is a certain person who refuses to participate in necessary routines and transitions while covering lunch breaks in my room. For those of you who don't know, I work at a daycare. Well in a roundabout way, a person called me fat. And not just "you're fat!" but there was logic behind it. I don't want to go into details, but it hurt, especially when said person oversteps their "authority" in the room and tells people what need to be done....that REALLY gets my blood boiling!

On the complete flip side...I met a guy! Ok, ok, I didn't *really* meet a guy. But rather, he takes the same bus as me every day. By my powers of observation, i know his name is Kyle, and that he works for some landscaping company. I feel weirdly drawn to him, cheesy as it sounds. And every day I want to talk to him, but I'm really scared. By attempting to talk to him,i feel as though I'm making myself vulnerable to hurt. And I've blocked out hurt by making myself unavailable for so long. I haven't been dressing as nice as I could, I haven't been as outgoing, I have shyed away from talking with guys a fair amount..and, the big one is that I have gained A LOT of weight. It may not seem it to some, but I have gained over 30 pounds since high school, and I sometimes cry when I think about it. I subconciously gained this weight, so that no guy would ever find me attractive, so then I wouldn't want to be hurt. Sure, there have been "crushes" here and there, but that's where it ends, and I don't let myself for one second think that it could be more than that someday, because that opens me up to hurt.

Ok, so I really rambled up there, haha! Point being, I'm scared to talk to him...I'm afraid if I say hi, that he'll make this face: :S and give me the brush off. One tiny little step for me, could end up being a horrible rejection that would ripple effect into my whole self image. Isn't that sad? I dont' know if "putting myself out there" is an insult to God, in a way, either. All of my friends from church, etc. tell me that God has created someone for me to be with, and I will be brought together with him when the time is right. Well, what if that is just one big load of crap to keep the fat and ugly people from thinking their life is empty? What if there really is no one for me? I dont' know what I'd do. I wish I knew for sure what my life would end up like...because right now, I sure as heck don't know. And that scares me. A lot.

And that concludes my heart wrenching journal entry for tonight! Sorry for those who read it, I know it was very pessimistic. And you people who have told me time and time again to have confidence and faith, will probably want to smack me for "not getting it yet" LOL. I'm trying though, just know that. Baby steps.

Work tomorrow and then it's off to Bethany Evangelical Missionary Church for a pampering night :) Should be good times with Lisa and Tryna :D

quick shoutout for E: thanks for always brightening up my mornings (ok, that was the cheese...almost as cheesy me being upset that your boyfriend has a life away from work :P)

I'm out

Mel

The Phone Quiz

Grab your mobile phone and let's go!

01. What is the phone maker?
Samsung

02. What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number
406

03. What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"im not for gas right now were probaobly coming abck the 19th"

04. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Marc

05. Who's the last person you rang?
Home

06. Who was your last missed call from?
Home

07. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Dad's Work Cell

08. What does the last message in your inbox say?
"THANKS FOR THE BEAR!"

09. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
Jackie

10. Go to your Sent Items - what does the 5th message say?
The only one there says "Are you going to church tomorrow?"

11. Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Sara

12. Who is your network provider?
Rogers

13. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
51

14. What do you have as your background?
Palm trees and a sunset. I wish it was those guys that stalked Ewa and I though lol.

15. Who's the 2nd person who is comes up under R?
Rachel

16. Who do you have on speed dial 3?
Jessica

17. Who's number did you put in your phone last?
Not sure, someone from work

18. Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Candice

19. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
All of them minus one (so 5)

20. What do you have as your main ringtone?
The wonderful thing about tiggers

Could I ever be loved? I never used to think so. I have a folded up piece of paper in my wallet, that is quite battered. I wrote it when I was 16, and it talks about where I saw myself when I was 80. Some people have read it, but many have not. In a nutshell, I thought I would be alone forever. I'd see all my friends get married, and I'd be all alone. You see, I was a serial crusher. I'd like a guy, get to a point where he'd be dating someone I was forced to get over him, or I would build up the courage to tell him how I felt. Not to see if he felt the same way (i never expected any guy to ever reciprocate), but to get it out in the open so it would go away. I don't know what has changed lately, but I feel like I'm changing emotionally. It started most recently with my weight gain. I have gained 30 pounds this year. NOT healthy at ALL! I feel horrible, and i don't like the way I look. so my mentality is, why would any guy like the way I look? I think I have subconciously been trying to gain weight so that no guy finds me attractive, so that I can't get hurt. I'm in my comfort zone. And I don't want out...yet I do. I am joining weight watchers this week, so that I can actually get on the right path and feel healthier, and eat right again. Develop healthy eating habits and such...

So right now, I'm trying really hard not to let friendships with guys get me thinking that I "have a chance with them". I am hopeless romantic (heck, look at my user icon!), and I just want that day to come where I'll get to be closer friends with a guy, and he'll make his intentions known..maybe hold my hand, ask me out for a date...and yet, I don't even realistically know if this is possible for me? I always get the whole "Someone is out there for you, Mel" speech, but...in all honestly, there are nice people who have faith that God has the right person for them...and they never get married! I don't know what to think anymore. Is the one out there for me?

What do you think? I'd love to hear any and all comments. Reflections on the song below as well are welcome.

Love,
Mel

Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I'm far
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me

Stealing from a friend's blog :)

Have you ever...
Taken a picture naked? NOPE
Made out with a member of the same sex? NOPE
Danced in front of your mirror? OFTEN
Told a lie? YES
Gotten in a car with people you just met? YES
Been in a fist fight? YES (I WON)
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES
Been arrested? NOPE
Left your house without telling your parents? YUP
Ditched school to do something more fun? YUP
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? YUP
Seen someone die? YES
Kissed a picture? YES
Slept in until 3? PROBABLY
Love someone or miss someone right now? YES!!
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES, MILLER LAKE
Played dress up? YES
Fallen asleep at work/school? YES, DANG COUGH SYRUP MAKING ME FALL ASLEEP IN THE BABY ROOM!
Felt an earthquake? YES
Touched a snake? HELD A 6-foot long burmese python!!
Run a red light? NOT WHILE I WAS DRIVING
Had detention? YUP
Been in a car accident? YES
Pole danced? NO, I HAVEN'T REACHED THAT DISC YET OF "FIT TO STRIP" hahaha
Been lost? YUP
Sung karaoke? YUP
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? YUP! Example: The Dinosaur ride at Disney. did it twice. Tower of terror as well :S what was i thinking?
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? SURE DID!
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? YES :)
Kissed in the rain? NOT YET
Sung in the shower? ALWAYS
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? NOPE
Ever gone to school partially naked? NAH
Sat on a roof top? I THINK SO
Played chicken? NOPE
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? NOPE
Gone skinny-dipping? YUP
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? YUP, GOOD OL' PEEKABOO STRESS-BUSTER BASH 05! LOL
Broken a bone? NOPE
Mooned/flashed someone? YUP
Forgotten someone's name? YUP
Slept naked? YUP
Blacked out from drinking? NOT BLACKED OUT, passed out though
Played a prank on someone? YUP
Felt like killing someone? YUP
Made a parent cry? AT WORK, HAPPY TEARS :)
Cried over someone? YES.
Had sex more than 2 times in one day? NOPE
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? NOPE
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? NOPE
Had/Have a dog? I love my dog! Shadow :)
Been in a band? NOPE
Drank 25 sodas in a day? NOPE
Shot a gun? BB GUN
Given a lap dance? NOPE
Gotten a lap dance? ALMOST :S NOT BY CHOICE